things that keep me up at night

Here’s a thought that has crept into my head at bedtime every night for the last week:

365 days in a year, call it 80 or so years to live= 30,000 days.

That’s it. An entire life is only about 30,000 days. And that’s a full life; let’s not even do the math on those who go early.

The smallness of 30,000 is disconcerting to me. I find myself suddenly frustrated at all the days I’ve wasted watching TV because it’s raining, the days I’ve simply given away to play Xbox 360 endlessly, the wasteful time spent in bars and clubs. What foolish ways to spend life.

The days add up quickly, too. I’m reminded of being on a boat, glancing back at the shore only to see just how distant it’s become, and how quickly! It happens without notice. Suddenly the events and times in life that had seemed so recent are figures on a distant horizon. The strangest and most irreconcilable element of this phenomenon is the knowledge that you will never again return to those shores.

I’m still digesting the lessons in the 30,000 day reality. I’m sure there are great learning opportunities here; paradigm shifts to be had, philosophical insights to take away. But at this moment, I’m just shocked at how little time we get.